Dad Remarries 60 Days After His Ex-Wife Died Of Cancer, Sparks Major Debate
A father recently took to Reddit to seek advice after his children criticized him for remarrying two months after their mother’s death from cancer. The father, who had been divorced from their mother for over a decade, sent out invitations for the wedding before her death, but the children felt it was “heartless” of him to get married so soon and accused him of not postponing the wedding or at least asking them to attend.
The father defended his actions in his Reddit post, arguing that he had dealt fairly in the divorce and had always been present for his children. He stated that the wedding was a small, backyard ceremony and that the invitations had been sent out before their mother’s death. He also mentioned that his ex-wife had decided to leave him for another man, leaving him heartbroken and humiliated, but he had still provided for his children financially and emotionally.
The post by @AdSuch5527 read: “My kids were young when I left their mother. She decided that she preferred the company of another man to mine. I was heartbroken and humiliated but I dealt fairly in the divorce. My alimony and child support were set and I never missed one payment or a chance to spend time with my kids. When my kids were 18 and 17, their mom was diagnosed with cancer and it was very aggressive. She ended up needing a lot of expensive treatment and it ended her marriage. He left because of the debts and he could not care for her. She didn’t make it five years.”
The internet debate attracted 1,800 comments, with most supporting the father and saying he had done nothing wrong. Many users commented that the wedding had been planned and invitations sent before the mother’s death and that the children, who were 18 and 17, were old enough to make their own decision about whether to attend. They also pointed out that the father had been divorced for over a decade and that it was not his responsibility to wait for his children’s approval before moving on with his life.
However, others suggested that the father could have been more considerate of his children’s feelings and that it might have been better to postpone the wedding or at least reach out to them before going ahead with it. They acknowledged that the father had gone through a difficult time and that his children had lost their mother, but they also acknowledged that the father’s actions had hurt his children and that he should take responsibility for that.
Nina Jaroslaw, a psychoanalytic psychotherapist at Manhattan Therapy, a private group practice for individual and couple’s therapy in New York, commented on the situation, stating: “In the wake of a wrenching parental loss, children irrespective of their ages inevitably regress. Old wounds, sometimes festering for decades, become inflamed. Relational patterns baked into memory may become salient in ways they haven’t been for years.”
“The rage of these children at the “heartlessness” of their father may have little to do with his impending marriage but everything to do with his history of relating to his ex-wife and his children, or may reflect a historical pattern of avoidance or revulsion around illness, vulnerability and loss,” she added.
Jaroslaw advised that for reconciliation between children and their parents, reflective and dynamic communication is required, with either the support of a therapist or counselor or the will and commitment to listen patiently and compassionately to all who are implicated in the conflict.
In conclusion, the father’s decision to remarry soon after his ex-wife’s death has sparked a debate on whether his actions were appropriate or not.